It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
