She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
