I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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