we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think i have two assholes
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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