If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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