she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
