6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
