i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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