I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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