i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
