Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
