Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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