she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
