its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
