My hand turned me down
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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