you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
