3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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