Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
