New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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