Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize