'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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