evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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