is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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