Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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