I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
