So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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