Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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