Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
