i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
