Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
