thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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