cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
