I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
