I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
high people should be assigned attendants
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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