if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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