Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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