her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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