I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
