You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
