Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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