I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
