I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
