I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
