Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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