Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
