I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
