if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
