Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
