Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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