3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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