i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
