totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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