tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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