You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
