She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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