we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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