Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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