it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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