I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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