She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
