dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
