there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
someone owes me an orgasm
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
