Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am naked and annoyed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
