No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
