I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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