my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
3pm strippers are depressing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
