i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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