im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
