Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
