he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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